Parenting Therapy
Let’s be honest, parenting is hard.
It’s a full-time job on top of your full-time job.
Add in being a single parent, a child with special needs, taking care of your parents, or even marriage difficulties and this becomes exponentially worse.
There isn’t a manual to tell you what to do and how to get it right. Sometimes we wish there was, and I totally get that. But then again that would be boring, and everyone would be the same. Not to mention it totally wouldn’t work. They’ve tried. It still sounds like a good idea right about now.
That’s because you are struggling and overwhelmed. You’ve been working so hard to figure out what your child and family needs. You have been trying to manage it all. It often feels like you are barely keeping your head above water. Treading water, day in and day out, is exhausting. You never get anywhere. There’s no progress. No support. You feel all alone out at sea, just wishing someone would come along and throw you a life ring. This would take some of the weight off. Give you a break for even just a few moments. That feels like all you need right now. Something to go right. Someone to understand.
On top of that, your friends or family seem to have it figured out. They aren’t struggling this much. They aren’t this tired. Their children cooperate more or don’t have as many needs. What are they doing differently? Why can’t you figure it out?
Well, the truth is, you aren’t alone. There are a lot of parents out there struggling in similar ways. They have similar worries. Similar doubts. Similar feelings. When they come to see me, they are exhausted, full of self-doubt, and have little patience. We work together to put the pieces back together around parenting and the other challenges in life to make it all more manageable. But there’s more to consider right…
Our childhood impacts our parenting…
Maybe you were lucky, and your parents were awesome role models. They took you on vacations that you have great memories of. They told you that they loved you and gave you the attention that you needed. They supported your interests and dreams by taking you to activities and helping you get into college. They modeled a loving family and you rarely saw your parents’ fight.
This still doesn’t give you the nitty gritty details of how they did it. You don’t know what things were like for them behind closed doors. You don’t understand the conversations and tough decisions they made to do everything. You don’t remember the challenges that they did face and the stress they were under. Which in one way is awesome but it doesn’t help you know how to manage it for yourself. Hopefully you still have the benefit to ask them questions and get some insight, but you are different. Your family is different. And to be fair, the world has changed a lot since they were raising you. Their answers are helpful and well-meaning, but they aren’t enough. And what if you can’t live up to their expectations?
Maybe you weren’t so lucky. You didn’t have the best childhood and you’re trying to do it better. Sure, you have examples than of what not to do. You try hard not to be like your parents. You say something or react to something and think to yourself, shoot I’m being just like my parent. I said I would never do that. Now you are living in regret and beating yourself up for this. Some of this comes out naturally and you can’t help it. Almost as soon as it happens you feel the weight of shame and guilt. Now on top of trying to do your best parenting, you have to fight with yourself to not do the things you said you would never do. Wow, that’s a lot to struggle with. We know it’s for the best but it’s so hard.
Kids need a lot from you and it’s constant.
Or so it feels.
They need you to pack lunch. They need you to take them to activities. They fight with their siblings. They talk back and don’t listen. They definitely don’t want to do their homework, so 5 days a week you battle. Probably while making dinner and the dog’s barking.
You just want them to do what they’re told the first time. Brush their teeth every day. Be successful at school. Be nice to their siblings. As frustrating as parenting can be you also get bogged down with worry and care. You wonder if you’re doing it right? If you can help them more? What if they aren’t successful enough in school?
Do your children have special needs?
These thoughts, fears, worries, frustrations, and care are compounded and complicated even more. The care that a child with special needs is significantly more. How does the constant need of most children, get greater? I don’t know but it sure does when your child has special needs, right?
Now you are pulled in even more directions. Medical appointments, testing, school meetings, learning about special education (because there’s no one there to tell you the ins and outs), and handling the day to day. Magically you are also supposed to have all of the answers all the time. You are supposed to know how to best help your child. You are supposed to know exactly what is wrong. You are supposed to know all the support that they need. And you are supposed to know exactly what to do to advocate for them.
Somewhere in all of this you will also grieve the child you thought you were going to have. The childhood they were going to have and the parenting experience you were going to have. Yes, this is normal and okay. Yes, having a child with special needs is not what you ever expected or planned for your future so grieving is a normal process. It doesn’t feel normal and other people certainly don’t understand. You love your child with everything you have. But having a child with any type of special needs is hard.
Let therapy help you work through this.
I’ll give you the space to talk, process your emotions, help you make sense of it, and find ways to cope. I’ve worked with families, parents, and children with special needs. I’ve worked in and with the school systems so I can see both sides. Stop feeling so alone. You can have a better relationship with your children and still get things stabilized. I’ve seen it because I’ve helped it happen.
You will be the main priority in therapy, but we’ll incorporate the things that are most important to you. So, if parenting is the main struggle, we’ll dig deep and find ways of support that work for you.